Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I had your ass I would rule the world
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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