had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
