I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Be still, my beating vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
