You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
