he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
