I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
