We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
