i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
