girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
