i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
