just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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