He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
