Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
