It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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