I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
