So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
