Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
