You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
