Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
