i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You took a bar mat shot.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
