what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
