Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
