what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
