you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
