wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
