A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
