If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
