You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
