I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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