i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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