Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
