Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We got so high we made milksteak
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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