I accidentally had phone sex last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
