Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
