party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
