He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
