i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
