I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
