i jhust puked up my retainher.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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