my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
