dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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