so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got inside last night via doggy door
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
