yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
