I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
