i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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