this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
