OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
