how can u be prego again
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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