NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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