so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
