ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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